Mama said there'd be days like this....

Well that quote from a song might give you a hint that I am a professional singer, well so my resume of the past 25 years would indicate.  Yikes you say...and you broke your jaw!  Yes indeed.  The implications of this little fainting spell are far reaching.  In my Country, we entertainment types who don't fall into the "mega-star" category aren't privy to all of those nifty benefits like some of you types who choose a SENSIBLE profession (please read that with a touch of envy).

It is worth noting that no mater what someone does in ones professional life, no matter how successful, be wise and plan ahead for days like this.   I guess insurance always looks like a rip-off at the time, but it is with 20-20 hind site....well you know the rest.

I remember once, when I was in post secondary school, I was having a particularly rotten day.  I must have been trying to win someones affections and they weren't returning the gesture. I dunno, having lived a little now I'm sure it was bordering on trivial.  But I walked by the administrative secretary who said: "hey, how ya doin' today". To which I replied: "This is the worst day of my life"
She quickly responded: "trust me, there will be worse" And she was an eternal optimist!
How right she was!

My mom is in her 80's.  I'm the youngest of seven.  She is being such a wonderful mommy right now, even though my family lives 1000's of miles away.  When something like this happens part of you (if your the baby of the family) knows that feeling where you just want to be looked after.

Ok, enough naval gazing kiddo.  In 5 days you'll have the wires cut and move over to rubber bands for a few weeks.  Maybe I'll be able to pull my jaw apart wide enough to put a little tiny spoon in and eat something like pudding.

I've lost considerable weight by now which I can't really afford to loose.  I do have some of those Meal Replacement shakes but they are pretty intense (and expensive!).  I'm such a chef, I just don't feel like sucking back a quick sugary sweet pre made drink, no matter how many "complete minerals" it says it has.  Those suckers are gone in three gulps and an hour later your starving again.

As I type I am having my most recent craving.  Rosebud beats (from the can)  blended with steamed baby carrots, some ginger, nutmeg, cottage cheese, and hemp protein powder. Thanks to my reader who brought up hemp protein powder.  I usually have some for my muffins (oh I miss my muffins!) so it works well in blended drinks.

I think that part of healing well means eating well.  I can't really afford to be going off shopping for all of this stuff, but the opposite would mean disaster.  I'm breathing deeply and trusting that somehow the Universe wants me to learn something from this.  What's that saying "that which does not kill us makes us stronger".

Listen to me! Self indulgent pitying I suppose. I'm not a miner stuck in a mine in Cuba for months.  But in my own little world this is my reality.  I'm not the first person to be saddled with unexpected massive bills that will be followed by massive debt.  I'm inspired by those who have rebuilt their lives on this weekend, the anniversary of Katrina, and think of those who still have so far to go to rebuild. It is humbling. 

The Show must go on....that's always been my motto.  I hope I find my voice again.  It's an important part of my anatomy.  One thing is for sure...I'm simply not opening my mouth with all of these smashed teeth.

How can I get on one of those make over shows!  Hello...any producers out there! This would be your before shot. (sorry, couldn't open my mouth wide enough to show you all the wires for busted teeth. (now did you really need to see this I ask myself?)

This is gonna suck...

You've heard the expression. "When bad things happen to good people"?  I'd like to think I'm a "good people", and what happened was most certainly bad.  In a freak moment I fainted.  I've never fainted before.  So what better way to faint then on a down-escallator!
Falling face forward it was clear, when I woke up, that I'd fallen face first, on my jaw.

The result:
1 broken jaw
3 broken front teeth
1 tooth knocked out
1 upper lip split open from the inside-out
1 mean gash across the bottom of the chin
And before long I was being taken off to emergency, where after many hours and xrays the head oral surgeon intern gave me the news:

"We're going to have to wire your jaw shut Sir."

I freaked.  Who wouldn't?  Well maybe you wouldn't.  But that's why I'm not you.  I make my living with my entire mouth.  And my jaw is a very important part of the deal.  But besides that, what a  claustrophobic thought it was to me!
I also adore food. I'm health nut, but what I do eat I enjoy...A LOT. How would I eat?

"Through a straw and food processed in a blender"  the doctor told me.  For 6-8 weeks.

How would I breath?  What if I get sick and need to throw up?

'You'll breath through your nose, and your lips will come apart, just not your mouth." said the doc.  We advise you to carry wire cutters with you where ever you go.  If you need to be sick  you'll have to cut yourself free. But you'll need to return immediately to the hospital to be rewired right away"

I was over come, regressing to infancy.  It all seemed too much too quickly to take in.

Before long, the morphine drip kicked in and they started freezing my mouth with a series of needles.  Each one seemed to hurt more and more. Then the numbness began. 

"The best thing you can do right now is not to fight us and just relax" the team of three  doctors told me.  They cranked my lower jaw back into place as closely as they could to my previous bite". Then began a crude process of wrapping the arch bars around my upper and lower teeth.  The whole time I kept thinking: "I can't  believe this is happening to me!"  And then more pain. "More morphine" I begged through the wire with was flopping all over my face.

Eventually the arch bars were on. The look like a really crude wide set of braces.  And then they began wiring me shut.  I felt like I was in a "Saw" horror film. 

"This really is happening to me" I thought.

By 4am I was home. My face was swollen like a melon. My lip stitched and chin as well.  I was starving. And didn't have a thing to blend, or a straw.  I fell asleep hungry, hoping I would wake up and realize I'd had an awful dream.

"Yes"! I thought. "That's what this is".  Another one of my vivid dreams brought on by my natural sleep supplement I sometimes take.  It'll all be fine and over with when I wake up."

I startled awake a few hours later.  Immediately it was clear to me. It wasn't a dream. My jaw, is most certainly wired shut.  Damn.  This is gonna suck! LITERALLY.

18 days behind the "metal curtain" and my suspicions are confirmed. It does most certainly SUCK!