FLOUR power...

When I read Sharon's comment about putting popcorn I chuckled...well, inside I chuckled because (for those of you who haven't read any other entry in my blog) I CAN'T OPEN MY BLOODY MOUTH!
I was thinking about just what popcorn would look like whirling around in the blender...what a mess, and would it kill the blade?  But as per usual, I have too Google everything and LOOK what I found on http://www.easyfunschool.com/article1790.html
There is even a recipe for Granola Muffins using Popcorn Flour!  I must ask my folks about this popcorn flour since they lived through the war.  I'd never thought of it but it does sound like a cheap filler.  Did you know that that "light" Kraft Parmesan cheese gross stuff in the green container on the shelf is "light" because its really half rice flour? The other half is not the best quality Parmesan cheese.
The only way to have Parmesan is shaved right off the block as far as I'm concerned.
But now I'm getting "cheesy!"
Oh kiddies...it was 42 degrees here today.  It's just unbearable.  I went to the library with my computer and stayed in the AC for the day.  I loaded up my stainless steel bottles of various blended food and marched in with my buffet in a blender. 
It's surprisingly easy to be quiet in a library when you can't open your mouth!
Tomorrow is Wednesday. The next day is Thursday.  Do you know what happens on Thursday?
Stay tuned I'll tell you.
(HINT: I already know :-)

Hot Pants....

You know how a dog pants when it is hot.  It hangs it's tongue out of the side of it's mouth and just goes for it.  If he is a boxer dog, like the ones my family bred you'll know that they work up some dandy slobber on the sides of their mouth while it is panting.  And then comes the drool!

So why do I speak of dogs and panting today?  Because where I live the city has issued an extreme heat alert.  It is above 40 degrees celcius here and there is something I discovered.  When you can't open your mouth, letting the in-breath touch the back of your throat, hang your tongue out like a dog and exclaim "damn, it's hot!"  it feels MUCH MUCH hotter.  And so I discover the deprivation of panting on a hot day.  I went out for short walk and past a dog.  He was panting.  I was envious.  He can probably chew as well!

I must say though, through all of this I have discovered some amazing things you can make in the blender.  The blender is a very hand gizmo. Personally, I don't own one, other than my hand stick blender which I've had forever. But for the kinds of things I'm blending I need the stand up kind.  So I'm borrowing a friend.  I hope the motor holds out.  So far, no smoke.

I love beets. I love carrots. I love ginger. I love celery.  I enjoy cottage cheese.  Let me tell you...if you like this combination than throw it in the blender. Steam a cup of carrots, throw in a can of rosebud beets, some dried ginger (I usually use fresh but the chunks never blend and they get stuck in my wires),   a dash of cinnamon, some fresh grated nutmeg, 1/2 cup of cottage cheese and a little sweetener of your choice.  This is SOOOO good, either warm or cold.  Basically it's like a creamy borscht (without cabbage). Ginger has been a mainstay for me. I find it calming on my stomach.  And anything vanilla flavored as well.  I have three more Ensure (or Boost) drinks left. They are good for emergencies but it is a bit too much like living on milk shakes.  I some how believe that eating the food groups rather than a bottle of fake ingredients and some nutrients thrown in is better for the over all healing.  Plus, ounce per ounce those suckers are expensive. I'd rather graze on a whole blender full of real food than suck back two gulps of 250 calories.  Yes I know...you're all worried about me loosing more weight.  Me too. But there are healthier ways to get calories in.  Besides, the fear of up-chucking is always on my mind.  I don't want to. I don't want to choke.  I might throw up all over my hot pants!

The Agony and the Ecstasy

Dear Michelangelo:

Was painting the Sistine chapel as painful as having your jaw wired shut?  I mean, looking up at the ceiling all the time must have given you one heck of a stiff neck.  Still I guess you just kept you "eye on the prize".

Hmmm...what has been the "prize" through all of this. Well, I'm not painting anything so forget that.  And I doubt my humble little blog won't go down in infamy as one of the greatest gifts to the artistic world. So I guess my prizes are discovering things about human instinct. Like the art of chewing.

Have you ever thought of how you are chewing when you eat.  It's amazing how much of a part it is in the enjoyment of food.  Now I'll presume you are well brought up like myself and aren't one of those people that chew with your mouth open so all the world can see as the food is masticated between your teeth. Because folks, that's just wrong! But it occurs to me that through drinking all my meals I am depriving myself of the pleasure of experiencing that which enters my stomach.  You have to work really hard to experience the food since essentially you are drinking everything.  So I suppose the gift or the prize here for me is that once I am craving something, I have to really slow down and try to let it swirl over my tongue (which I can't access since it is stuck behind the wired teeth!)  And in doing so I can't take the time to taste something and see if it actually is the taste I am craving.  For instance just now:

I was craving peanut butter, but also prune baby food. And I read online that they make a great combination. I could imagine the taste together in my mouth before I made it.  Then I threw it in the blender and TA DA....it was the taste I was imagining. And it's GOOD!  I mean, it would be. I've had an appetizer of a medjol date with the pit taken out and a fresh California walnut in the centre and that is YUMMY!  So dried fruit and nut is a logical combination.  Prunes, being dried plums makes sense.  In fact, if you have prunes at home you can try it...just smear some peanut butter on a prune and pop it in. EAT IT WITH YOU MOUTH CLOSED...the really experience the taste. It's quite wonderful.

So  tonight's small dinner appetizer was a success.  When drinking food, you really can only get so much liquid down the gullet, so I find 8-10 oz. of food at a time works well.  Too much liquid and you just feel gross.

Last night my teeth and gums were in agony. I think they are inflamed, and the wires are rubbing on the inside of my mouth.  I guess that is why God created Advil. Except I have to take children's liquid Advil, double the dose, and water it down a bit and suck it through as straw. I found a bubble gum flavoured one...oh, its YUMMY!  I have to remind myself it's medicine. Just what I need  right now, a 911 distress call...."Help! I've overdosed on bubble gum flavored Children's Advil.  That's what I  need, more humiliation!

I wonder if Michelangelo would use Advil for his stiff neck if he were alive today?


Tonight the Emmy Awards are on.  I love them so.  Usually I pop big bowls of popcorn and watch the Emmy awards (and similarly the Oscars).  It's gonna really suck to watch them without crunch salty snacks. Instead, I'll be dining on more blended soup.  All the prunes baby food is gone.  I'll appreciate those prunes in the morning.  I'll leave you to ponder what that means! 

Mama said there'd be days like this....

Well that quote from a song might give you a hint that I am a professional singer, well so my resume of the past 25 years would indicate.  Yikes you say...and you broke your jaw!  Yes indeed.  The implications of this little fainting spell are far reaching.  In my Country, we entertainment types who don't fall into the "mega-star" category aren't privy to all of those nifty benefits like some of you types who choose a SENSIBLE profession (please read that with a touch of envy).

It is worth noting that no mater what someone does in ones professional life, no matter how successful, be wise and plan ahead for days like this.   I guess insurance always looks like a rip-off at the time, but it is with 20-20 hind site....well you know the rest.

I remember once, when I was in post secondary school, I was having a particularly rotten day.  I must have been trying to win someones affections and they weren't returning the gesture. I dunno, having lived a little now I'm sure it was bordering on trivial.  But I walked by the administrative secretary who said: "hey, how ya doin' today". To which I replied: "This is the worst day of my life"
She quickly responded: "trust me, there will be worse" And she was an eternal optimist!
How right she was!

My mom is in her 80's.  I'm the youngest of seven.  She is being such a wonderful mommy right now, even though my family lives 1000's of miles away.  When something like this happens part of you (if your the baby of the family) knows that feeling where you just want to be looked after.

Ok, enough naval gazing kiddo.  In 5 days you'll have the wires cut and move over to rubber bands for a few weeks.  Maybe I'll be able to pull my jaw apart wide enough to put a little tiny spoon in and eat something like pudding.

I've lost considerable weight by now which I can't really afford to loose.  I do have some of those Meal Replacement shakes but they are pretty intense (and expensive!).  I'm such a chef, I just don't feel like sucking back a quick sugary sweet pre made drink, no matter how many "complete minerals" it says it has.  Those suckers are gone in three gulps and an hour later your starving again.

As I type I am having my most recent craving.  Rosebud beats (from the can)  blended with steamed baby carrots, some ginger, nutmeg, cottage cheese, and hemp protein powder. Thanks to my reader who brought up hemp protein powder.  I usually have some for my muffins (oh I miss my muffins!) so it works well in blended drinks.

I think that part of healing well means eating well.  I can't really afford to be going off shopping for all of this stuff, but the opposite would mean disaster.  I'm breathing deeply and trusting that somehow the Universe wants me to learn something from this.  What's that saying "that which does not kill us makes us stronger".

Listen to me! Self indulgent pitying I suppose. I'm not a miner stuck in a mine in Cuba for months.  But in my own little world this is my reality.  I'm not the first person to be saddled with unexpected massive bills that will be followed by massive debt.  I'm inspired by those who have rebuilt their lives on this weekend, the anniversary of Katrina, and think of those who still have so far to go to rebuild. It is humbling. 

The Show must go on....that's always been my motto.  I hope I find my voice again.  It's an important part of my anatomy.  One thing is for sure...I'm simply not opening my mouth with all of these smashed teeth.

How can I get on one of those make over shows!  Hello...any producers out there! This would be your before shot. (sorry, couldn't open my mouth wide enough to show you all the wires for busted teeth. (now did you really need to see this I ask myself?)

This is gonna suck...

You've heard the expression. "When bad things happen to good people"?  I'd like to think I'm a "good people", and what happened was most certainly bad.  In a freak moment I fainted.  I've never fainted before.  So what better way to faint then on a down-escallator!
Falling face forward it was clear, when I woke up, that I'd fallen face first, on my jaw.

The result:
1 broken jaw
3 broken front teeth
1 tooth knocked out
1 upper lip split open from the inside-out
1 mean gash across the bottom of the chin
And before long I was being taken off to emergency, where after many hours and xrays the head oral surgeon intern gave me the news:

"We're going to have to wire your jaw shut Sir."

I freaked.  Who wouldn't?  Well maybe you wouldn't.  But that's why I'm not you.  I make my living with my entire mouth.  And my jaw is a very important part of the deal.  But besides that, what a  claustrophobic thought it was to me!
I also adore food. I'm health nut, but what I do eat I enjoy...A LOT. How would I eat?

"Through a straw and food processed in a blender"  the doctor told me.  For 6-8 weeks.

How would I breath?  What if I get sick and need to throw up?

'You'll breath through your nose, and your lips will come apart, just not your mouth." said the doc.  We advise you to carry wire cutters with you where ever you go.  If you need to be sick  you'll have to cut yourself free. But you'll need to return immediately to the hospital to be rewired right away"

I was over come, regressing to infancy.  It all seemed too much too quickly to take in.

Before long, the morphine drip kicked in and they started freezing my mouth with a series of needles.  Each one seemed to hurt more and more. Then the numbness began. 

"The best thing you can do right now is not to fight us and just relax" the team of three  doctors told me.  They cranked my lower jaw back into place as closely as they could to my previous bite". Then began a crude process of wrapping the arch bars around my upper and lower teeth.  The whole time I kept thinking: "I can't  believe this is happening to me!"  And then more pain. "More morphine" I begged through the wire with was flopping all over my face.

Eventually the arch bars were on. The look like a really crude wide set of braces.  And then they began wiring me shut.  I felt like I was in a "Saw" horror film. 

"This really is happening to me" I thought.

By 4am I was home. My face was swollen like a melon. My lip stitched and chin as well.  I was starving. And didn't have a thing to blend, or a straw.  I fell asleep hungry, hoping I would wake up and realize I'd had an awful dream.

"Yes"! I thought. "That's what this is".  Another one of my vivid dreams brought on by my natural sleep supplement I sometimes take.  It'll all be fine and over with when I wake up."

I startled awake a few hours later.  Immediately it was clear to me. It wasn't a dream. My jaw, is most certainly wired shut.  Damn.  This is gonna suck! LITERALLY.

18 days behind the "metal curtain" and my suspicions are confirmed. It does most certainly SUCK!